Grit is not something a child is born with. It is built gradually, one small challenge at a time, through the way the adults around them respond when things get difficult. At Rugbytots, we take that responsibility seriously. The language our coaches use, the encouragement they give, and the way they respond to a child’s frustration in every class either strengthens a young athlete’s resilience or quietly undermines it. Here are five mistakes we work hard to avoid when helping children develop real, lasting grit.
Avoid Celebrating Winning Over Effort
It is natural to praise a child’s determination when it leads to a try scored or a game won. Left unchecked, however, this quietly teaches children that grit and effort are only worth celebrating when they lead to victory. Our coaches are trained to recognise and praise effort at the moments it is hardest to show, not just when it happens to pay off, because that is when the lesson actually matters. A child who keeps trying after dropping the ball three times in a row is showing exactly the same grit as the child who scores, and we make sure they hear that.
Avoid Relying on Prizes and Rewards
A sticker chart or a promised treat can feel like an easy way to encourage a hesitant child, and used sparingly, small encouragements have their place. But when rewards become the main reason a child keeps trying, their motivation shifts away from the activity itself and towards the prize. Over time, that external motivation fades far faster than the internal kind. At Rugbytots, we focus on building a genuine love of movement, teamwork, and rugby itself, so that a child’s drive to keep going comes from enjoyment rather than from what they will receive afterwards.
Avoid Pushing Through Tiredness or Discomfort
There is an important difference between a child persisting through a normal, healthy challenge and a child being encouraged to ignore genuine tiredness, discomfort, or an early sign of injury. Our coaches are trained to watch closely for both, and to know which one they are looking at. At this age, a child cannot always tell the difference between “I don’t feel like it” and “something is actually wrong,” so that responsibility sits with the adults around them. Real resilience is never built by ignoring a child’s body. It is built by teaching them to listen to it and to keep going when it is genuinely safe to do so.
Avoid Labelling a Child as “Naturally Talented”
It is meant as a compliment, but telling a child they are simply gifted can quietly work against them. Children who come to see their ability as fixed often struggle badly the first time they face real difficulty, because falling short feels like proof that the compliment was wrong. Children who instead understand that ability grows through practice tend to meet the same setback very differently: as a normal part of getting better, not as a verdict on who they are. Our coaches choose their words carefully for this reason, praising the practice and the persistence rather than the outcome alone.
Avoid Turning Behaviour Into Identity
Small shifts in language make a real difference to how a child processes a setback. A child told “you lost the game” is describing a single event; a child who comes to believe “you are a loser” is absorbing a label. The same is true in the other direction: praising what a child did, such as helping a teammate or trying again, teaches them that good behaviour is something they choose and can repeat, rather than something they simply are. Our coaches are deliberate about this distinction in every class, because the words children hear about themselves at two, three, and four years old shape how they see themselves for a long time afterwards.
Grit is one of the most valuable qualities a child can carry into the rest of their life, but it has to be built carefully. At Rugbytots, we see every dropped ball, every difficult drill, and every disappointing result as an opportunity to build it a little further, and we take just as much care in how we respond as we do in what we teach.
Give Your Child the Chance to Build Grit, One Class at a Time
If you’d like to see this approach in action, come and try a class with us. Our coaches would love to welcome your child and show you how we build grit, confidence, and character, one session at a time.
This entry was posted on 8th August 2026.